You are a slut or a prude. You are frivolous or fun-hating. You are entirely for the people, or you are against each and every one of them. You are damned if you do, and truly and absolutely damned if you do not. Chappell Roan, with her meteoric rise to fame and the adjacent controversies — borne entirely of the public’s perceptions of her rather than from anything she has actually said or done — is, at this point, a case study in the clearly demarcated boundary consumers have set between darling and daring when it comes to celebrities and how they perceive our attentions. She was the internet’s fun new summer fling until people made the going tough on her: The moment she spoke up against the negative aspects of her newfound fame, the moment hundreds, if not thousands, of fans — of her and of strife alike — began lambasting her over the disparity between what she “should” be feeling and what she actually is. 

On Aug. 19, 2024, after a successful run of concerts and festivals brought on by a shiny new ever-growing stardom, the midwest princess posted not one but two TikTok videos calling out fans’ entitlement not only to her time, but to her personal life and the lives of her loved ones. The backlash was immediate, as evidenced by how both videos’ comments are off, but that was not nearly enough to stop the torrential downpour of hate towards Roan, with one sentiment rising above all, as so eloquently put by one X (formerly known as Twitter) user: “I kinda think she's not really cut out to be a pop girlie.” This school of thought is unsurprising, a sword often wielded not only towards starlets but at women in general. You are not good enough at your job, because you can’t handle being poked and prodded at. You are not good enough at your job, because you can’t grin and bear it. 

A good woman is seen, but not heard. 

Alongside short-form critiques, plenty of users offered advice to Roan, such as “maybe be a little more open to a photo if [fans] nicely approach you.” This act of attempted betterment, especially by those unqualified at something towards a woman who makes her livelihood off of it, is thinly veiled misogyny despite, and often because of, the intention behind it. There is a sense of entitlement about it, an implication that she doesn’t really know what she’s talking about in her specific and explicit critique of parasocialism as it has affected her. Chappell Roan said she hates the attention she has been receiving because much of it borders on harassment, and people on the internet take personal offense to it.

Not only did many take her request for privacy as an insult, they also (and you’ve probably guessed it) weaponized her raw emotions against her a week and a half later when she sought forward movement and canceled her Paris and Amsterdam concerts in order to perform at the VMA’s, something most musicians never get to do in their wildest dreams. As many pointed out, it is incredibly valid to feel disappointed at having a concert you were looking forward to getting canceled, but this does not excuse taking it out on the artist as a person. 

On the other hand, there were plenty of people willing to balance out this goodwill, citing Roan’s hate of fame as a reason she should “stick to the shows [she] booked for true fans” rather than take up opportunities she, as an artist that has been up-and-coming for a decade, could not have dreamt up at the time her concerts were scheduled in the first place. These messages, these anonymous thoughts and pointed fingers, all come after an Instagram post Roan made in between the TikToks and the concert cancellation, one in which she extremely emphatically notes that “women don’t owe you shit.” She said her piece loud and clear, and people still default onto base-line misogyny rather than let her live, even just for a moment.

And it is misogyny. Robert Pattinson was considered a “heart-throb” even as he tried to be “repellant.” Harrison Ford is renowned despite often being regaled as an anti-hero when it comes to his fame. These men do not deserve harassment simply because of their celebrity, either, but they are afforded sympathy where Chappell Roan and countless other women are not. Parasocialism towards men is dangerous, but is rarely as double-edged as it is towards women. There is an air about female celebrity: One misstep, and you’re out. Such idolatry is confined, in some way, to a performance of societal ideals. Unfortunately, many still live in a society where men can speak up, but women should think twice. Expecting these narrow performances circles right back into misogyny, creating a rigidity that Chappell Roan refuses to operate within. 

She is not only seen, but she ensures that she’s heard loud and clear. Women don’t owe you shit.